Dude, I've changed.

As I struggle to type this on my phone to get these thoughts to digital paper, I sit and realize that my forced evolution in the last year has changed many things that I did not initially realize.

 I posted a status update on Facebook regarding my current state at San Diego comic-con:

"Comic-con, it's not you. It's me. I got old"

That statement rattled in my brain as I lay here on my air mattress in my hotel room. What really had changed in my head that should make this theoretical "nerd nirvana" not so anymore.

The first thing is that after wrecking my car on November and having to purchase my pretty new blue one (along with the exorbitant increase in my insurance rate) I really had to readjust my spending. In particular the amount of money I spent on frivolous shit. I would recklessly buy DVDs/blu-rays every week and buy games that would never see the light of day in any of my systems because I foolishly thought "one day in the future, I will have time to consume all of this when I really do 'grow up'"

That very fallacy in my head had to be crushed if I was to move forward on my new financial struggle of new debt piling on top of old debt. So I have been resolute in restricting said spending, yes I still allow a few things past the goalie so to speak, but overall the budget has been more balanced than in the past of my epic deficit spending.

The reason of this tale is the reason I came to the conclusion of my current displeasure of con. The very first thing I thought as I first burst through the doors of the convention center into the show floor was, "I really don't need any of the shit they are selling here"

Seriously. I walked by all the exclusives and trade paperbacks, the toys and art. What would I do with this if I bought it? I look back at all the shit I already own and think, "what the fuck is wrong with me? I would be out of debt if I had not gotten so much crap"

Don't misunderstand me, there are many things I do NOT regret. My comic books for example are something that I do treasure dearly, not only for their content bit their ability to take me back to that time I bought them and reminisce about the past.

But overall, I think of all the random things I have collected over the years of my misspent youth and I cringe at my irresponsibility. Time has brought me a harrowing vision of the future and what I have done to damage it.

This convention now represents what I have been trying to escape for the past 6 months.

Spending on wants instead of needs.

This is the very reason I know that I am the problem and not the con. The con is still what it's supposed to be. I am just not the person that I was before. Older and weary now. It's not sad, it is just a grim reality that I need to accept.

-Dre

Return of the Dre.... Again

Soooo. Yeah I'm here again. I cannot post on a regular basis. This has been proven time and again over the course of the past 3 years.

The only thing that can rouse me from my writing slumber is sadly some form of nerdrage or annoyance. Obviously this has occurred.

Yesterday marked the release of the Star Wars edition of the Xbox 360, another exploitation of a long beloved property that nerds/geeks will hand over their hard earned cash for. This blatant exploration is shockingly NOT what brings me here today.

It's the annoying reaction of said Star Wars fans to the proliferation of SW merch that bothers me. The constant harping about how their childhood is being ruined or "raped" (which is an obvious tasteless overstatement). Maybe I'm just getting old but all this bitching over this kind of nonsense is annoying.

Yeah, you heard me. I don't care anymore. I am tired of people thinking that a reboot or a revamp has somehow erased or removed the happy memories of what you liked of the original property, be it Star Wars, Transformers or the current target of hate: the revamp of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

Yes, the new stuff is CRAP. The quality of many of the new things is very questionable and that is something I will not defend. BUT it's existence does not make history GO AWAY! That stuff you loved is still around!

You DO NOT need to buy or watch the new crap! IGNORE IT! Instead of giving this crap attention just let it go away! Not saying anything at all will do much more damage than making some sort of protest or angry campaign against it. Vote with your wallet! Don't go see the movie, don't buy the merch and let it fail on its own.

Do not let it consume you! Bitching and whineing about it means that the "enemy" has "won"! They are in your head and that was their goal. You complain about it to everyone you know and one of those people may want to see it for themselves to see if you were right. You just gave then free advertising.

Sometimes I think Hollywood and other forms of media are doing this shit on purpose. "What dedicated group of fans can we piss off to create buzz about something? " Look at the transformers movie franchise, each has been worse than the next, yet droves of people are going to see it regardless of the quality. They recycle and reboot shit because it somehow makes money!

Back to my original point. Look at the smart move by Microsoft and Lucasarts. They slap an R2-d2 paint job on an Xbox and string together a bunch of star wars motion games and all the fans, WHILE BITCHING ABOUT IT, go out and buy these things, even if they already have one.

They do this to us for one reason and one reason only, because they can.

ARGHHHHH!

Normally the week of E3 should be a joyous one that causes "gamers" to celebrate as the major console manufacturers and game publishers/developers divulge all the games they have been working on. But this year as I attended the show, I looked at the state of the industry and realize what we have done to it. Yes WE.

The so called hardcore "gamers". We have helped wound the industry so much that it has changed, and we bitch about this change. The industry is now focused on hitting the bottom line rather than providing quality entertainment. It has evolved into a similar form like that of the movie or music industries. Where shit sells and innovation is tossed aside in favor of making profit. One of the multitude of reasons of this is our own ignorance.

We bitch and whine about the decisions of the gaming industry, but this is an industry where they listen to BUYERS, not WHINERS. So many games desperately try to appeal to this group on ALL SYSTEMS (before you think I am SLANTED in my OPINION this applies ACROSS THE BOARD), but we do not buy them. They sit on shelves as we wait for them to fail and drop in price or go on clearance. Do you really think that the industry does not notice this? ESPECIALLY in this age where one failed game can kill a developer or several can kill a publisher?

The cost of production has increased to a ridiculous level. Publishers cannot take chances anymore. I hear people bitch about how niche franchises should get made. You know WHY? YOU DIDNT BUY IT THE LAST TIME IT CAME OUT ASSHOLES!!! I hear people bitch about the lack of new IPs in gaming. You know WHY? YOU ARE NOT GONNA BUY IT FUCKOS!!!!

Let me paint you a picture, an analogy if you will.

WE ARE KILLING THE CURRENT GAMING INDUSTRY.

BUT we are killing it SILENTLY. We are sitting in the car, but its parked in the garage going nowhere, pressing the gas thinking we are getting somewhere by making a lot of pointless engine noise but in reality are doing nothing but filling the garage with carbon dioxide and wonder why our version of gaming is dying.

We complain loudly about how causal gaming is killing the industry. Its not killing the industry, its making money . A FUCKTON of money. WHAT it is killing is what we enjoy in gaming. OUR gaming industry. This new industry that it is slowly mutating into is what we do not want.

Oh yeah everyday I hear a certain brand of stores tell me that "Casual gaming does not sell" "It will go away because no one buys it at MY store"

Yes, in your tiny fishbowl that caters to our kind, the new stuff does not sell. In the rest of the godforsaken ocean in Big Box stores and this here INTERNET. IT SELLS. The people who BUY this stuff DO NOT GO TO YOUR SPECIALTY STORE. And its NOT KIDS as you mistakenly think. Nope they are too busy pissing you off in the flavor of the month First Person Shooter spawn camping you and calling you several unsavory names. DO YOU REALLY THINK KIDS WANT CASUAL GAMES???? SERIOUSLY???? They WANT the M-Rated games they are not supposed to be playing. HELL they are the BACKBONE of the M-Rated game industry along with ignorant parents.

Its the NON-GAMERS that buy all this new accessible stuff from ALL THREE CONSOLE MANUFACTURERS! They avoid the specialty store at all costs because of our elitist attitude and snobbery at their purchase. Who are we to TELL THEM what they don't like. I know I DID THAT when I worked at the specialty store. Its that attitude that has kept them from gaming all these years. They bought the heck out of the previous generations "winner" because it was a cheap DVD player and they are buying the hell out of this current generation "leader" because it is accessible FUN.

OH YEAH! REMEMBER THE FUCKING REASON WE STARTED THIS DAMN HOBBY IN THE FIRST PLACE.

In the 8 bit era, games had to be FUN for us to give a damn. We had to give a shit about BLOCKY PIXLES moving slowly across the screen. Somewhere in the last 10 years, THIS FUNDAMENTAL FACT HAS BEEN ALL BUT FORGOTTEN!!!! "oooh pretty" and "boom headshot" have become the draws for this era of gaming as far as our ilk are concerned. On occasion we do get some smart and fun games here and there because somewhere in the industry people who "get it" somehow sneak by these gems by the corporate overlords of moneymaking. Instead of pushing creativity and fun, its "branding" and "franchises". A certain CEO of a major publisher does not give a shit if annual versions of his games eventually KILL said franchises as long as people keep buying them.

WE have helped allow this to happen. Most of the time, the good fun games do not make money because we do not buy them. We beg, borrow or even steal (piracy) to play these games. BUT these non gamers buy the casual stuff and the terrible annual franchises in BULK. What do we do?

WE HAVE PLENTY OF TIME TO COMPLAIN ON THE INTERNET ABOUT WHAT WE DO NOT HAVE AND WHAT IS OFFERED IN PLACE!!!!

That is all I SEE NOW! "Respected" gaming blogs WHAAAAAAAA. Fellow Nerds online WHAAAAAAAA. Nerds at retail store WHAAAAAAAA.

WE GAVE UP THE RIGHT TO BITCH THE SECOND WE STOPPED CARING ABOUT THE QUALITY OF GAMES.

WE GAVE UP THE RIGHT TO BITCH THE SECOND WE LET NON GAMERS TAKE CONTROL WITH THEIR WALLETS.

WE GAVE UP THE RIGHT TO BITCH LONG AGO.

and now it is too late.

Its out of our hands.

It has passed us by.

E3 2011 was a stark reality of this. I felt out of place. I was more excited to see my friends than to see what the booths had. In fact, certain booths just made me sick.

Its not our gaming industry anymore. I know for a fact its not for me. Maybe a game here and there, but it is lost to the "gamer".

The person who played every genre. Who was open to new games. Who didn't care if a game was made in Japan or America. Who played because it was fun. Who played regardless if it was single or multi-player. Who didn't care how "pretty" a game was as long as it was good.

Now, it has splintered. The term "gamer" is misused, misappropriated or even abused. The douchebag who only buys FPS games is not a "gamer", they are just homicidal maniacs kept under control by technology. The "bro" who only buys sports games every year is not a "gamer", he is just a wanna be who never made the team in real life. The recluse who only plays MMORPGS is not a "gamer", they just hate real people and human interaction. I can go on to each genre, but you get the point.

The "gamer" is going extinct. Hell. They are probably all already gone. Lost and forgotten.

Its these new people who have mutated from the "gamers". They make me hate the industry that I once loved.

-end

This must be said

I hate stupid people.

If there is one difficulty in my life that I hate the most, it is my high exposure to the lowest common denominator of intelligence on an almost daily basis. Social mores and common courtesy are the only things that keep me from bursting out and yelling at them to explain how the darwinistic concept of "survival of the fittest" has been unraveled by their very existence and how they have been allowed to multiply and overrun our society.

The letter of the law also prevents me from introducing the bottom of my boot to the front of their slack jawed, cross eyed faces when they are being particularly offensive in just their mere presence.

For example: today while on a visit to a Toys R Us, a man who by his very appearance screamed "ass backwards moron" wandered into the game section and immediately started into how much he loved his iPad and how he pissed off someone by wasting his rent money on it. I tried to break away, but he had already set his tractor beam and followed me EVERYWHERE asking me several annoying questions about my employer. I did my best to deflect his lunacy with empty stares and one word answers, but apparently he took my ignorance of him as some sort of challenge.

So upon realizing this was clearly a no win situation using logic, I finally got fed up and looked him in the eye and told him, "Look buddy, I work for the marketing department. I cannot help you 'find a display at a store that is closing down' so you can turn around and sell it on eBay. I cannot answer your questions about things that do not EXIST yet. I am here to help sell stuff to people and you ARE GETTING IN THE WAY OF MY WORK. Take your iPad and show it off to someone who has time to waste" The fact I did not swear throughout that short browbeating was a testament to my being "on the clock".

The fact that me punching him would have made me the bad guy and sent me to jail makes me even more angry.

-end

Multiple Motivations

As you can tell from my background photo, one of the major motivations of this small exercise is the character of Spider Jerusalem from the graphic novel Transmetropolitan. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spider_Jerusalem (if you need to do some research.)

In short, a futuristic version of Hunter S. Thompson that REALLY hates the world.

There has also been another major influence recently to the angered approach I am taking to this blog. I have been on a nearly daily marathon of watching House MD on DVD. Dr. House's cynical manner in which he treats everyone is fascinating to me and has made me reflect on how I go about with dealing with people who frustrate or annoy me. Now I am not going to go out and be a total asshole to every person I encounter mind you, BUT there have been a few situations recently where I have responded to dumb people in a very House-like manner. The scary thing about it is that is has been kinda fun...

-end

Why Anger and not Understanding

My job exposes me to all sorts of people in our society. Each day it makes me hate the world more. Watching the stupid go about their day in big box retail stores destroy themselves slowly is amazing and disgusting at the same time. Similar to watching a car accident or a train wreck, you know you should not watch but cannot tear your eyes away. AND i HATE it.

Why hate? Why not be positive and try to help the world like an annoying hippie? While I do consider myself a fundamentally decent person and I don't go out of my way to be evil, I feel that this environment that I am exposed to has broken me into a cynical man when I deal with the stupid. My expectations are so low, that when I do find someone with a measure of intelligence it is akin to finding the damn Ark of the Covenant. BUT when I come across someone truly ignorant and incompetent, it now stokes a fire of anger mixed with sarcasm that often I must hold back and occasionally leaks out in snide remarks or the recent #iHATEitHERE posts on Facebook.

Thanks to the holiday season the odds of running into these type of people has increased exponentially, much to my annoyance but it may benefit any of you who choose to read this blog and find amusement here. We will see where this goes.

-end

Trying this again, but with more anger

This is my third attempt at cracking the blogosphere with periodic posts that require more than the space allowed by FAILbook and the 140 character impotence of Twitter. I would always attempt to make each post worthwhile and an extensive enjoyable read. This was purely textual masturbation. I would pour hours into each of those posts and eventually began to dread the task of writing. I am not a natural writer as many of my friends are, but I can capably come up with humorous bullshit at the expense of my own life experiences. These are the types of posts that will end up here. Now all I have to do is go back to all my angry posts from FAILbook that were the genesis of this new endeavor. I make no guarantee of frequency and/or quality of these posts.

-end